21st C. dating

Only 8 hours into a 3 month internet dating site subscription. I hate it already. This isn’t for me.

I miss dating in the analog world.

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17 thoughts on “21st C. dating

  1. DAY 2
    I’m not going to last.

    It’s turning into a social experiment for me.

    I dread when I get an email and scoff when men “wink” at me, make me their fave, or “like me”. I can’t even respond to that, it means nothing to me. I have already come to vehemently dislike writing men whom I’m not interested in. My commitment to dignity and integrity is making me sour.

    I do so appreciate the gesture and the attention, understanding that for many this is a last ditch effort. I want to be compassionate to that end.

    I obviously can’t play the game

    Today, I was checking my emails on my phone and had an inbox laden with notifications of men liking, winking, and favorite-ing, and the email I checked was about the project I’m working on.

    Guess I know where my priorities are.

  2. Day 3
    I very well might be sabotaging and sandbagging my chances of meeting someone. I think I might be too real,have too much substance. I rewrote my profile to be more reflective of me and I might have just driven a stake through the heart of my online dating career.

    – I don’t want to “sell” myself, I’m not a commodity…yes, of course I am, but I’m not going to write to that end
    – I could never start off my profile with “my friends/family/coworkers/dog describe me as…”
    – Or my favorite…”just looking for that special lady to share my dreams with”, or some variation thereof
    – “I love to laugh”. Yah, who the fuck doesn’t?!

    I just don’t care enough .

    It’s not that I have a bad attitude or a negative outlook, it’s just that I am largely ambivalent; yet to be impressed by any one person yet.

    I want the package. The maybes just won’t do.

    I was exchanging some emails with this one guy that I was fairly certain that I didn’t want to date beyond that first beer. He indicated that he was looking for something more casual.

    I’m not upset with this.

  3. Day 4
    I got out of my snit, got down from my high horse and decided that I need to be more proactive if I’m going to do this . So, last night I contacted some of the men that seemed interesting

    So, this is happening:
    One hadn’t been on the site in a week.
    The other responded, but will be leaving in May for grad school.

    Is this real?

  4. Day 6

    I wrote a few guys.
    One, I just gave him a compliment.
    The other two…dead air, crickets so far.
    Meh.
    I’ve never taken rejection so well.

    All the other responses I’ve been getting are clearly those who have not read my profile and are just looking superficially. This is such a strange world to me.

  5. Day 7
    Things are starting to tapper off. Evidently, novelty has lost its luster for my potential male suitors. The barrage of profile views, winks, likes, and faves have slowed to a slow drip in comparison to when I made my debut

    I met up with the person who initially emailed me. It was a platonic date. Totally satisfying. I made a friend.

    At certain points, I kinda wish that I was interested in something more casual. He has energy and honesty. It was a good connect.

    The best part of the evening was when he told me he participated in medieval reenactment games. Armor, sword fights, yurts.

    Yep, that’s why I drove into town; that alone made it for me.

    On another note, I emailed a few other men. And that’s all I can say about that. So yah, there’s a lot of promise.

    No, no there isn’t.

    I beginning to think that I should just come to terms with being single for the rest of my life

  6. Day 9
    Batting 0.

    So far I have…I have nothing to say here, really.

    3 men have replied to my messages, so that’s…hopeful. 1 found someone outside of the gladiator dating arena; the other I worked with long ago and reached out to find out that he does not want to date anyone with kids; the other is TBA.

    The system keeps telling me I have a message, I don’t.

    Yah, even a virtual cupid runs amok; blind.

    This is great.

  7. Day 10
    Are my standards too high?

    Am I looking for the Holy Grail. the unicorn, the elusive mate to the other sock? Is it so pie in the sky to presume that there’s someone that I could connect with?

    Sure, I’ve only been on a little more than a week, but the pool becomes shallower each time I log in, or send an email with no response. Each time, I delete the guy with no photo, or unoriginal email messages, am I missing out on some thing potentially incredible?

    “How are you doing”, or “you sound cool, let’s get some coffee”, and “I’d like to get to know you over dinner and drinks.”, just don’t capture my interest.

    Am I asking too much for a little wooing from a dating site?

    When I write, it’s my calling card. There’s thoughtfulness and intent. I read the profile, pick something out. Apparently, I’m going the extra mile.

    I feel like a mail order bride. Just one of many in a catalog.

    I’m not immune from the same behavior, but shit, I’m in it, really giving consideration to who I would contact.

    I just don’t think that the guy I would want to be with exists in my town.

  8. Day 13

    *SIGH*

    I could probably go on writing onamonapias in response to this whole internet dating thing. I’m just at a loss. Maybe I’m still settling into this as I alter my perspective and try to be more open. But, how much time does one give in this platform?

    Am I being too selective?

    I think I’m being realistic.

    This is just as difficult as trying to meet someone under normal conventions.

  9. Day 15

    I have not bothered logging in today, and most likely not tomorrow either – unless I care to indulge in a pity party for uno.

    The one guy I as writing to, the architect, dropped out of the conversation loop. Just stopped replying.

    Was I supposed to ask him out, and missed the cue? Did I not act fast enough, lingering in the written word? Did I not get a memo where I was supposed to be an unabashed flirt to get noticed?

    Well, whatever.

    When I saw this as an opportunity, a social experiment, and a glimpse into myself re-entering the dating world via binary code, I now see it as lackluster, and no fun; without prospect

    2.5 months left.

    Guess I won’t be any worse for wear to let it play out

  10. Day 18
    Going out for a lunch date tomorrow.
    We’ll probably end up as friends.
    We met as techs some time ago, but he mentioned his aversion to relationships with woman who had children.
    Where else could this go? I’ve been there before. When you know, you know.
    At least there will be a decent salad to look forward to if it doesn’t work out.

    The architect resurfaced and subtly suggested we meet.
    Well, that’s something.

  11. Day 20
    I met up with my date. He’s still quite attractive to me. We had a nice time that resulted in a late arrival back at work. We agreed to see one another again.

    The architect is still in the background. I am giving him inroads to make a time to meet, but nothing has manifested. My work is done on this one.

    A good friend is coming into town next weekend with possible romantic implications. Hopefully, that’ll be my sure thing in my love desert…at least for a little while.

  12. Day 22
    I met the architect.

    There’s something about him that I like. He seems playful and curious; open. I’m drawn to the fact he probably doesn’t want any more children, is established, and has an intriguing background. I’d like to spend more time getting to know him, providing the feeling is mutual.

    And then there’s the other. I like that he’s my age, knows some of the same folks I do. He’s active, easy to talk to.

    It’s only the first date. More time is required for me before the direction emerges for me.

    I know what I want. It’s hard to say if one of them can walk the road with me.

  13. Day 31

    In between the last post and now, a second date transpired between myself and the architect. It was sweet, but conversation lagged. I halfheartedly agreed to another date. I also started to feel that the other man was just not going to work out as we kept on missing one another due to circumstance; never got to a second date.

    Am I not giving this a chance; just all too ready to give up? I really do want something to work, maybe I just don’t know what it is and rather jettison the venture altogether for the sake of simplicity. Perhaps, I’ve inadvertently grown all too comfortable with being single.

    So, I cancelled my subscription yesterday.
    I then wrote 1 email declaring a greater love for career than partnership…
    and then another that was similar only with a simple caveat. I think it got lost in the ether.
    Okay with no follow up so far.

    It was just too much for me, eyes bigger than my stomach.

    What a minefield this dating thing…happy to assume my place in a more organic and equally frustrating world of interacting with people in real-time; by chance.

  14. As a last post in this thread I will say that a response was had by the architect, to which he decided that seeing me minimally would work. I’d like to see what the next date will amount to.
    I am still unsure if I am able to take this on, but it would be nice to see where the road goes from here.

  15. Addendum

    Okay, THIS is my very last post on this subject of internet dating and digital connections.

    I went down that road, I saw where it went, and I decidedly went another direction.

    I met the 2 cats, the unmopped floors, the undusted surfaces, the dust bunnies in the corners, the “I still smoke 2 cigarettes per day”, and the passivity. I met the absence of curiosity, awareness, and lust for exploration.

    I shook hands with a future I was able to see unfolding.

    Having given it a running start, it was clear that we’d be parting ways. Almost immediately

    My horrendous cough and congestion saved me from an awkward kiss, where I was able to slip away, go home. An email followed 2 days later that a lack of romance would be something he would be meeting along with a gentle declaration that I would not be returning.

    It was the best I could do…for me.

    I am glad this is over and I will go back to my life, appreciative of this experience despite the discomfort that got me there and now through it.

    I’ll be content to sit things out for a while

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